


I Want You Anyway

by Marveljunkie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Caring Sam Winchester, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, Making Out, Nervousness, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Picnics, vague discussion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 11:40:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8142418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marveljunkie/pseuds/Marveljunkie
Summary: Jess has had some....traumatizing experiences. She tells Sam, not sure how he'll react.  PAST NON-CON IS NOT GRAPHIC.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, um. I was sexually abused. The things Jess feels are things that survivors really do feel. I didn't describe anything graphically at all, it's very vague. 
> 
> Writing things like this is therapeutic for me, this is kind of how I hope my boyfriend will react if I get one.

Jess resists the urge to bite her red freshly manicured nails. Sam is on his way to pick her up for their sixth date, and while she's excited, she's also pretty nervous. Their last date had been wonderful, with even a little bit of making out. God, Sam could kiss. But there lay the problem, she isn't ready for sex. After certain experiences in her younger years, she honestly didn't know if she would ever be. 

Jess sighs. She doesn't want to tell him and possibly destroy one of the few happy things in her life, but it wouldn't be fair to Sam. If he is going to date her, he deserves to know. Especially since he's been putting up with her occasional flinches so patiently. 

A knock on the door if her apartment startles her out of her head. She checks her phone, he's right on time. She opens the door with a smile. "Hey, Sam." 

"Hey, Jessica." Sam smiles shyly and ducks down to kiss her cheek. "You look lovely."

Jess blushes. She doesn't feel very pretty but Sam seems to mean it. "Thanks." She steps out the door and shuts it behind her. "So where are we heading this time?" 

"I thought maybe we could go to the park and watch the sunset. I found a little place with a killer view." Sam opens the car door for her. "Interested?" 

Jess' face lights up. "That sounds perfect." 

Sam gives her a matching grin and shuts the car door. 

They ride to the park in comfortable silence. It's almost like Sam can feel her nervousness. He reaches across the seat to hold her hand, and Jess grips it tight. 

At the park, they hold hands while Sam leads her on a little trail to the place. He tries to put her at ease, cracking a few jokes and telling her about his week. 

It works pretty well. Jess laughs and teases him back, offering little tidbits about her own week here and there. At a certain point on the trail, Sam stops and parts the bushes. Jess pauses. "Are you sure?" 

Sam smiles at her, his dimples appearing unbidden. "Trust me, Jess." 

Jess gives him a rather skeptical look but nevertheless ducks her head and steps through. A moment later her breath catches as she takes in their surroundings. She stands on a hilltop, and there's a beautiful view of the sunset. 

Sam comes through after her, chuckling at her awed expression. "See what I told you?" He teases, putting his arm around her shoulders. 

Jess laughs. "It's beautiful." 

Sam gives her a gentle squeeze and lets go. He goes over to a little basket and pulls out a blanket, spreading it on the grass. "Well we don't have to stand, sitting is also an option." 

Jess turns around, eyes narrowing. "Sam Winchester, what are you planning?" 

Sam gives her his most innocent face. "Can't I just plan a nice time for my date?" 

Jess shakes her head and plops down next to him. Sam grins and scoots a little closer to her with the basket in his lap. "And I brought snacks..." 

Jess makes a little happy noise and practically dives into the basket. 

 

The sun is getting lower. Sam and Jess have finished the food and now they're just leaning against each other, watching the sun go down. 

"Hey, Jess." Sam murmurs. Jess gives an answering hum. "Be my girlfriend?" 

Jess sits bolt up right and her hand flies to her mouth. "Y-you-" she stammers. And then she starts crying. Sweet, wonderful Sam. He wants her, and he doesn't even know he'd be getting a broken, damaged girl. 

Sam's a little confused. "Jess?" He asks. "Help me out, is this good or bad?" 

Jess manages to push away the sobs and looks up at him, wiping her eyes. "Sam, there's something about me I haven't told you." 

Sam blinks but nods. "Okay, it's okay. You don't have to tell me until you're ready." He holds his hand out. "C'mere?" 

Jess gratefully melts into his side, letting him hold her until she feels calmer. 

Sam waits til her breathing slows a little before he says anything. "Now, the only thing that would make me take back the question would be if you were genuinely not interested in me. Whatever you have to say, I'm not gonna reject you." 

Jess bites her lip. It takes a few minutes for her to work up her courage, but eventually she takes a fortifying breath and pushes the words out. "I was raped." Once she starts she can't seem to stop. "The babysitter took advantage of me multiple times. I didn't know how to tell anyone so I kept quiet, and it didn't stop til I got old enough that I didn't need one. I don't understand how you want me. I'm damaged. I'm dirty. I'm broken! I don't want kids, I don't know if I'll ever be able to have sex, I can't think about it without freaking out-" 

Sam lets her ramble until he can't stand hearing her belittle herself. He pulls back and puts a finger on her mouth. "Jess, I'm so sorry that happened to you." He swallows hard, blinking back tears of his own. "I still want you to be my girl. None of that matters. You are beautiful and kind and I still want you." 

Jess blinks. That wasn't what she expected. 

Sam continues. "I don't care if we never have sex. I want to be with you, I want to show you you're worth it. I want to show you how much you mean to me. We don't need sex for any of that. And Jess, I'm just as broken as you. We can make it work. Please, give me a chance. Be my girlfriend?" 

Jess' eyes fill with tears as he keeps talking, and she nods when he asks again. "Yes." She whispers. "Yes." Her chin wobbles and she presses forward, climbing into Sam's lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

Sam immediately hugs her tight, a few tears of his own slipping five his cheeks. "It's okay, baby. It's okay." He strokes her blonde curls and lets her cry quietly against his neck. 

A bit later, it's dark out but Sam and Jess are still sitting together. Jess had calmed down and is dozing with her head on Sam's shoulder. 

Sam gazes up at the stars as he rubs her back, one arm wrapped around her waist. After a while, Jess sits up to look him in the eye. "Thank you." 

Sam smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "My pleasure." He bites his lip, suddenly looking shy. "Can I, um, kiss you?" 

Jess giggles and wraps her arms around his neck. "Sure." She leans in and brushes their mouths together. 

Sam cups her cheek and kisses her again, a little harder this time. He keeps it soft and slow, not sure how far to push. 

After a bit Jess pulls back. "Cmon, Sam. Kiss me. I'll stop you if it gets too much." She fidgets a little nervously. "Just, can you keep your hands where they are?" 

Sam nods, a little smile on his lips. "Anything for you, baby." He leans in and kisses her again, not holding back. Jess sighs contentedly and returns it eagerly, licking at his lower lip with a playful nip. 

They make out hard and fast for a while, until Sam pulls away with a gasp. "God, Jess, we gotta stop or I won't be able to drive." 

Jess shifts off his lap and accidentally brushes his half hard dick with her knee. "Sorry." She blushes at his little groan. 

"Don't worry about it." Sam grins. "I'll live." He gets up and holds a hand out to help Jess up. Together they repack the basket and holding hands, they go back to the car. 

Sam drives her back home, and walks her to the door of her apartment. "Good night, Jess." He smiles shyly. 

Jess smiles back. "Good night." She reaches up and tugs Sam down to kiss him softly.

She goes inside, a silly smile on her face. She didn't think she'd ever find a man who wanted her, after all that. Guess she got lucky after all. Her red nails glint in the light as she prepares for bed. Yeah, best date ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know how you liked it, and if I missed any tags please. <3
> 
> I may or may not add a second chapter with some loving sex, that depends on how many people are interested.


End file.
